Declarative Language Handbook: Using a Thoughtful Language Style to Help Kids with Social Learning Challenges Feel Competent, Connected, and Understood

Product Information

A repeated theme in our case studies is that PDA turns “parenting norms” upside down, so our own mindset and mood are key factors in developing a toolkit of helpful approaches. Some key pointers are: focusing on their many positive qualities as well as trying to support them with areas that they find difficult Declarative language isn't about asking questions, making commands, or demanding someone to do something. It's about inviting them to share in an experience. Models proper pronoun usage for gestalt language processorswho often show pronoun reversals (e.g., "I think it's my turn." instead of "Are you done your turn yet?") Martha Bargmann MS, CCC-SLP Speech Language Pathologist at Massachusetts General Hospital for Children

Declarative language is a comment or a statement, usually about something someone knows, observes, or thinks. TV/books/gaming can be a good way to learn about emotions, relationships and social dynamics, and enable our children to develop understanding and skills, in a more indirect way.Yeah, well, what I’m learning is that it’s important. It is really hard now in my language to even use social learning differences. So that I’m not assuming there’s only one way to be a social communicator in the world, there’s a lot of ways and they’re all equal. So in that way, social learning differences just, I guess, depend on who you’re comparing to, you know. So for me, maybe I can just talk about me and my lived experiences, because that is something that I know I can speak to, I would consider myself a neurotypical, but a quieter person. And for me, I feel like I am good at noticing nonverbal cues, kind of reading the room and emotional tone, perspective taking, I feel like that’s strong for me. But then maybe somebody who’s different from me, or individuals that I work with, that have a different learning style than me, I would say, sometimes things aren’t safe things related to perspective, taking or perceiving how others might be feeling in the moment might not be as intuitive to some of the individuals that I work with. And it’s not the of course, it’s not that they don’t care, or that they don’t want to learn, it’s just that information maybe is not as intuitive for that learner as it is for me, but I’m sure there’s plenty of things that they might be much stronger out that I am. And I guess at the end of the day, I feel anybody can learn anything, it’s just a matter of what you want to learn, and your openness to the information. And what’s important to me is that I’m trying to understand what other people are coming from as I teach or guide them to learn where I might be coming from. And it’s a balance, my ideas are not better or more, they’re equal. And I always am hoping that we can just understand each other better in the world. And in each moment in time. What if people mostly used language with you to tell you what to do or to tell you that you should have done it better? I think you'd agree, that would get discouraging rather fast! For individuals with social learning challenges, this is too often their experience. Through this handbook, Linda guides us to notice how a shift in our use of language (from imperative to declarative) can fundamentally shift how children relate to us and the world around them. Through many practical examples and tips for developing our own use of declarative language, Linda provides us the tools to build positive, pro-active relationships with the individuals we parent, teach or counsel." It can be helpful to understand why more traditional parenting approaches – such as rewards/praise/sanctions – don’t tend to be effective in PDA households. For the past few years, I’ve been hearing about this concept called “declarative language,” and although I had an idea of what it was, after reading my guest Linda Murphy’s Declarative Language Handbook , I couldn’t wait to bring her on the show because it offers another transformational tool for our parenting differently wired kids’ toolbox. I’m sure that many of my listeners are familiar with you and your work. But would you in your own words, introduce yourself, tell us a little bit about what you do in the world. And then your why for doing that work?

Our PDA Panda ambassador symbolises helpful approaches for PDA and the P A N D A mnemonic on our infographic below provides a useful summary:Plenty of opportunity for movement e.g. scooter, trampoline, running and bike rides for those who seek plenty of movement Gives kids a chance to discover mistakes they make without shaming or blaming (e.g., "I don't think I heard the toilet flush." instead of "Flush the toilet.") As I've dived into learning everything I can about gestalt language processingover the years, I noticed that declarative language kept coming up as well. It's perfect for modeling scripts or gestalts and helping with those pronoun reversals. So it just further reinforced how beneficial it is to use this type of language with hyperlexic kids. They are gestalt processors after all. Helps with social emotional development and self-regulation (e.g., "I notice that you're upset. Let's take a couple of deep breaths together." instead of "Calm down!") Clean your room." ➡ "I see that your toys are all over the floor" or "Hmmm...I wonder where the dirty clothes should go."

Our children often need support in relation to processing language and social interaction. A speech and language therapist can assess a child’s communication and interaction skills and make detailed recommendations. Our helpful webinar on this topic is useful place to start – a few top tips are shared below: Communication supporting them with the things that they’re interested in rather than trying to impose on them what you feel they should be doing It's less likely to trigger fight, flight, or freeze responses because it uses fewer demands than questions (e.g., "Look, grandma and grandpa are leaving. Let's wave goodbye." instead of "Do you want to give grandma and grandpa a hug before they go?") Re-balance your relationship – a more equal relationship between child and adult, based on collaboration and respect, builds trust. Try to aim for win:win solutions. Model behaviours or apply demands to yourself (with no expectation that your child will follow suit) – for instance, you might say “I’m feeling really stressed right now so I’m going to lie down in a quiet room and listen to some whale songs to help me to calm down”.Yeah, and you mentioned imperative and you even included a little bit of a grammar lesson in there, which I appreciated. So just to explicitly put out there, what imperative language is, can you just describe that for us and give us an example of what an imperative phrase would be? Similarly, these approaches can be helpful with other presentations/conditions as well as with a PDA profile of autism – they may be beneficial for autistic and non-autistic people at times of heightened emotional states or extreme anxiety, or for times of extreme demand avoidance regardless of the underlying cause. Allows our children to “hear our thoughts” and learn to self-regulate. As young children develop language, they narrate their activities out loud. Around the age of 4 or 5, this turns into their “inner voice” and they do this internally. We can give children a model so they begin to develop their own inner voice. Teaches visual referencing and observation skills (e.g., "I think your shirt is on inside out because I can see the tag here." instead of "Is your shirt on inside out?")